


Let Me Go

by IceQueenAmaryllis



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, newtmas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 13:17:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13975926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceQueenAmaryllis/pseuds/IceQueenAmaryllis
Summary: Newt finds himself in a dark place struggles through the process of digging himself out of the mess his life has become. Along the way he rediscovers his own self worth and allows himself to have the love he truly deserves.





	Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Inspired by the music video for 30 Minute Break by The Luka State. There will be graphic depictions of abuse, and an unhealthy, manipulative relationship so if that’s a trigger for you, please reconsider reading this fic. There’s going to be a ton of angst, but there’s a happy Newtmas ending, I promise.

_ Hey, a bunch of us are going out for drinks tonight. Wanna come? You better not say no. It’s been way too long since you went out with us!  _ __   
_   
_ Newt read and re-read the text message a few times over. It should have been an easy answer and there was a time that that it would have been. He would have smiled and sent a reply back:  __ Absolutely, count me in. But that wasn’t the case. Instead, it sent a icy cold shock of anxiety through his veins as he considered just how he was supposed to approach this situation. 

He knew that people were starting to notice his distant behaviour. The way he either found a way to bail on them last minute or to bring Jessica along with him. Not that the latter was ever really his choice. Jess didn’t like when he went out without her, especially when certain people were involved.    
  
After a moment longer of hesitation, Newt opened the conversation with Minho and typed back a quick reply.  _ Depends. Who’s all going? _

There. That was an acceptable answer, wasn’t it? A harmless question that indicated he was interested at the very least. It wasn’t anything that would bother Jessica when she inevitably read his text messages later that night. 

_ So far just me, Gally, Alby and Fry. We’re at the pub near your place already, actually. I’m working on getting Harriet to drag Aris and Sonya along, too. They’ll totally come if you’re there. Come on, it’ll be fun! _

Newt breathed out a sigh of relief when he read the message. He could work with that. He took a final sip from the nearly empty beer bottle in his hand and stood from the couch. As he entered the bedroom, he saw Jess sitting before the vanity, a towel wrapped around her waist as she smoothed some sort of hair product into her still damp, long blond locks. She turned to regard him with a small smile and he allowed himself a brief moment to enjoy it. Things were more good than bad, weren’t they? Weren’t moments like this worth it? Every couple fought sometimes, after all. 

“Hey, so, Minho’s wondering if we want to go out tonight. Fancy going to the pub down the street?” He asked. Although Minho hadn’t exactly invited Jess as well, he assumed it was implied at this point.    
  
“Who’s all going?” Jessica asked. Newt found he was a little proud of having thought ahead to ask about that in anticipation of her asking. 

“Minho, Gally, Alby and Fry. Maybe Harriet, Aris and Sonya too.” He replied. 

Jessica paused for a moment, a small hum escaping her lips as she thought. “I’m not sure I feel like going out tonight.” Newt deflated instantly at her words. It had been worth a shot. “But you can go.” She added. 

Newt absently considered the fact that it almost sounded like she was giving him permission. He reminded himself to not think things like that. 

“You’re sure? You don’t mind?” He asked, unable to bite back the disbelief that coloured his words. 

“I don’t mind. Go on, have fun. I’ll see you later.” Jessica smiled that kind smile again and crossed the distance between them to give her a quick kiss. The said their goodbyes and as he walked to the front door, he sent Minho a text. 

_ On my way. _

Newt grabbed his jacket and for the first time in months, he was excited by the idea of having some freedom for a change. 

The pub was a quaint little place, and Newt loved spending time there. Particularly at this time of the year. Summer was beginning to fade into Fall and it seemed as though the patrons of the establishment were determined to make use of the patio until the last leaf fell from the nearby trees before they retreated inside. Lights were strung throughout the branches and along the wrought iron fence that separated the patio from the sidewalk, basking everyone in a warm glow as they indulged in the company of friends and alcohol alike. 

It didn’t take long for Newt to find the table where his friends were waiting. Based on the boisterous laugh that rang out from Gally, some of them were already at least a few drinks in. Impressive, considering the sun had barely finished setting a half hour ago. Minho had evidently been successful in his attempt to convince Harriet as Aris and Sonya were already there. It was Sonya who noticed him first; his younger sister seemed both surprised and thrilled to see him there. There had been more than one occasion in which he’d said he’d join them and just never shown up. Newt didn’t like to think of the circumstances that resulted in that. 

Sonya bolted up from the table and rushed over to him, grabbing his arm as she pulled him away to the table. Newt did his best to not wince at the touch. Thankfully, she was rambling on about some funny story he’d just missed out on but he was hardly listening. Being out without Jess felt strange and suddenly, he wasn’t sure how much he’d really be able to enjoy himself. 

“Hey! Look! He lives! You actually showed up for once!” Minho said, raising his glass in mock salute. “And without your lady friend, too. Wow, it’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”   
  
Newt’s smile faltered for only a second, not long enough for anyone to notice. Minho didn’t really know how accurate his statement was though it was through no fault of his own. He hardly knew himself anymore these days.

“That’s fine by me.” Sonya commented. She took her seat back at the table, dragging Newt into the empty spot beside her. 

“Sonya.” Newt replied, shooting her a warning gaze. She simply rolled her eyes in response and that told him all he needed to know. It was no secret that she didn’t like Jessica; Sonya  never had liked her and that had only become more apparent when she moved in with him barely a year ago. 

Before the conversation could progress much further, Alby chimed in. He always did know how to break up a fight. Even before it had begun. 

“Are you all just going to sit there or is someone gonna get this man a drink?” Alby said. Before Newt could protest that he was perfectly capable of buying his own drinks, the other man held up a hand to silence him. “I insist. You’re our guest of honor tonight, I’m buying you a drink, and you’re gonna like it. Got it?” 

Alby returned a short while later with his favourite lager in hand and Newt was finally able to relax. The conversation eased into jokes and laughter and reminiscing in memories long passed. Drinks were enjoyed heartily, perhaps a little too much on Minho’s part. Seeing as how they quite nearly had to hold him down to keep him from dancing on the tabletop. 

A few hours later, another person sat themselves down in the spot beside Newt. He glanced over, surprised to see Thomas sitting there. Maybe it was an effect of having drank a bit too much in a short period of time or the fact that he genuinely missed his best friend, but he gladly leaned into the embrace when Thomas pulled him into a hug. 

“Tommy! I didn’t know you were coming tonight.” Newt said. A genuine smile formed on his features and it felt so  _ good  _ to be able to do that. 

“I wasn’t planning on it, since I was working late. But Minho said you were here and I had to see that for myself.” Thomas replied. 

His arm remained looped around Newt’s shoulders for longer than what was probably normal but Newt had no desire to push him away. Why would he? He had missed spending time with Thomas. The distance between them had begun to stretch on wider and wider each day until it felt like they were a million miles apart. Out of reach. Despite that, they were just as close as they’d ever been upon being reunited. As if no time had passed. 

“Yeah, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Just been a bit busy, that’s all.” It wasn’t much of an excuse, and the look in Thomas’ eyes quite clearly indicated that he really didn’t believe it. 

But Newt really,  _ really  _ didn’t want to talk about it. Everyone had their own share of troubles to deal with and he’d always prided himself on being able to help people through their own strife. That meant he didn’t bother people with his problems. Not his parents, not Sonya, not his friends, not anyone. 

“I get that. Pretty sure I haven’t had a free night in months, so no worries.” Thomas said. He paused for a moment only speaking again once they made eye contact. “You know you can talk to me, right? About anything.”

“I know. But I’m fine, alright? Everything’s fine.” It was an easy lie to tell; one Newt was used to saying practically every day. 

The calm silence that fell over them was one that Newt found himself hanging on to desperately. There was very little these days that made him feel this at peace. Thomas had always been good for this though. He was one of the few people that could calm even the most violent of storms in his mind. It was too bad that Jessica despised him.

“Wow, settle down there, Thomas. You know he’s taken, right? Better luck next time.” Gally slurred, clearly having had his fair share of drinks. The comment elicited an amused snort from Minho that quickly dissolved into a fit of laughter. Which then made Fry laugh. Then Harriet. Until pretty much all of them were laughing without remembering what was even funny in the first place. 

Amidst the laughter, Newt’s gaze fell upon another table a few rows down. His blood ran cold at the sight. 

Jessica was sitting there. Watching them furiously. 

Panic instantly set in. He’d asked her if she wanted to come and she’d say no. Was that not enough? Was he supposed to have actually stayed home instead of going out without her? Once they made eye contact, Jessica stood up in a huff, making her way towards the exit. Without saying anything to his friends, Newt got up as well and followed after her. 

He managed to catch her wrist, halting her progress before she left the patio and she spun around on her heel to glare at him. 

“Don’t touch me!” She spat out, yanking her hand away from his grip. 

“What’s the matter?” He dropped his hand down to his side, fingers flexing anxiously. 

“What’s the matter? You  _ lied _ to me! You didn’t say  _ he  _ would be here. How dare you make me look like such an idiot?” Jessica said in a vicious whisper, venom dripping from her words. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-” The words died in his mouth as her palm struck against his face in a resounding  _ slap,  _ leaving the skin stinging even as he recoiled away.  

Newt stood there, ears ringing, as he tried to understand what had just happened. She had never struck him in public like this before. Fights like this always took place behind closed doors when they were at home. And yet here he was, surrounded by people who had just been witness to what would surely be interpreted as his fault. 

By the time he’d overcome the shock of it all, Jessica had already made it quite away down the sidewalk. Her strides were quick and forceful, the heels of her shoes clicking on the concrete like gunshots. With his heart hammering in his chest, Newt followed after her, not sparring a second glance at his friends who he hoped beyond all hope hadn’t seen that. 

Newt had just barely caught up her, bounding up the stairs to their apartment two at a time. He rounded the corner to see her pushing her way through the front door and he practically sprinted the short distance. 

“Jess, wait, please-” He placed his hand on the door frame only to have the door itself slammed on his fingers. A groan of pain escaped his lips as he pulled his hand back, cradling it in the other in a futile attempt to soothe it. 

He bit back the tears and made his way into the small apartment, the one that had been his safe haven once upon a time. A well used ice pack was already waiting for him in the freezer. Newt pressed it against his throbbing hand and downed a mouthful from the bottle of whiskey on the counter. He lifted his gaze to see Jessica standing in the doorway, still as angry as she’d been at the pub. She entered the kitchen and grabbed one of the liquor bottles from the counter. Newt took a few instinctive steps backwards but it wasn’t enough. 

The bottle shattered against the wall beside him and a broken shard cut painfully against his cheek. He lifted his arms in an attempt to shield his face from further damage. Another bottle, then another. Newt was absently glad that they didn’t have anymore. He had sunk on to the ground, the bits of glass on the floor biting into his skin. There wasn’t much a reprieve because she wasn’t done with him yet. A kick to his already sore ribs eventually gave way to punches that quite clearly had the full force of her rage behind them. 

Newt wanted it to stop. God, how badly he wanted it to stop. But he couldn’t hit her back. He refused to. He would never be the kind of person to lay his hands on someone else like that. Jessica had exhausted herself and he took the opportunity to haul himself from the ground, bolting to the bathroom where he locked himself in. He slid down to the floor, knees pulled to his chest when he heard the impact of Jessica slamming her body against the door. 

He listened as her yelling shifted from angry accusations to sobbing apologies. ‘I’m sorry, you just make me so angry’ ‘Why do you make me do this to you?’ ‘’You know I love you’ ‘It won’t happen again, I promise.’ 

But it would happen again. It always did. No matter how many times she said it wouldn’t. Newt pushed himself up from the floor and stood in front of the mirror, hands braced on the edge of the sink as he stared at his reflection. The cut on his cheek would get attention until it eventually healed. With shaking hands, he unbuttoned his alcohol soaked shirt and tossed it into the nearby hamper. The myriad of bruises and cuts in various states of healing marred his skin; a testament to just how long this had been going on for. A large, yellowing bruise on his ribs ached anew after the kick he’d just received. The deep cut just below his collar bone from a broken beer bottle last week had just begun to scab over. These injuries and countless more were a constant reminder of the situation he’d found himself in. He hated it.

And yet, he stayed with her. It would seem stupid to anyone who was looking at the situation from the outside. 

The last time he’d tried to break-up with Jessica, she had threatened to kill herself. Newt couldn’t allow that to happen. He couldn’t be the cause of someone taking their own life. Even if this situation was pushing him to that breaking point as well. Maybe he didn’t love her anymore, but he still cared for her. She wasn’t the person she had once been but that didn’t mean she deserved to be driven to the point of suicide. He felt trapped. Like there was no way out of this without dire consequences. So what the hell was he supposed to do? 

Once the crying had died down and he heard her move away from the door, Newt finally stepped out of the bathroom, pointedly avoiding Jessica’s gaze. He couldn’t stand to look at her, to see the pained look in her eyes in the aftermath of what had happened. 

Out on the balcony, the cool air of late Summer that he had revelled in earlier wrapped him in a familiar embrace. It felt good against the heat of the fresh wounds. The city rushed on around him, screaming sirens and and the glow of streetlights. Were his friends carrying on as if nothing had happened? Were they worried? 

Newt reached into his back pocket and retrieved his pack of cigarettes and his lighter; he lit one and took a drag, exhaling it out into the night air as if the answer to his problems would reveal itself in the smoke. 


End file.
